Book Review: Run with the Wind
Run with the Wind (Japanese: 風が強く吹いている)
Shion Miura (Japanese: 三浦しをん)
“Do you enjoy running?”
“Why running?”
“What does it mean to run?”
These are the questions I always ask myself when I am out of breath in training. And they are also the questions posed in the book Run with the Wind.
This book hits me hard. It brings me several times to the verge of tears. Reading this book on an airplane full of passengers wasn't a good idea. Fighting tears in the tiny cubicle took a lot of effort. I wasn't sure about the reactions of the person sitting next to me. But I didn’t care. The book is that strong. My emotion blended with my recent experience. Complex feelings of “searching for meaning,” mixed with emergent sources of resonance, become streams rushing to my eyes.
For several months, I have been lingering on the boundary of burnout. I heard the terrible news from work that made several months of effort worthless. I dealt with complex politics that I vowed never to touch when I was little. I read tragedies from my friends that made me fear pursuing anything. My back hurts together with my heartbeat, even in bed. My stomach twisted at the first sight of dawn. Chores become so unendurable, especially the thought of going to work. Sometimes, I busted into tears without any triggers. And after a few seconds, it stopped without any sign. This isn't the first time I have pushed myself to the limit. But something is different.
Something is wrong. A lot of things have gone wrong. I need to fix them all.
The files are piling up on the desk. So I work harder. My body is moaning. So I exercise longer. My mind is getting muddy. So I read and absorb more. I believe everything can be fixed like that. However, without a doubt, the balance is broken, and hardworking grows into a vicious circle. Things take an eternity to finish, and yet I see no progress. I am clear that this circle needs to be stopped, but my body is on autopilot. I'm not in control, and an inner voice tells me I must push myself harder. There are people smarter than me and yet work harder than me. There are people stronger than me yet training harder than me. The world is unfair. If I don't fight, I will fall behind.
By all means, running isn't a pleasant experience for me. I seldom enjoyed it for longer than five minutes. I hate getting up early in the morning, dragging my lifeless body to the door, and standing in the blazing cold winter wind. Every step reminds me of either the pain in my knees or the congestion in my lungs. Either I am wearing too much, and I sweat too much, or I am wearing too less, and there is a risk of getting urticaria. With all the effort, I have barely noticed any progress since the first day I start running.
All I can think of is to ask why. Why am I running? Why everything matters? Why do I have to repeat my arms millions of times this way? Why am I breathing so hard? Why are my legs so sore? Why am I running? What is the meaning of everything? What is the purpose of working hard?
I never get the answer.
I don't think I will get any answer ever.
But whenever I finish running, there's one minute, just one minute, I feel fresh, clear, clean, thinking of nothing, and everything seems so possible.
If I say the book saves me, I will be lying. It doesn't have the magic to lift someone from the bottom of desperation. It was together with all the efforts. I tried to get help from books, my friends, and self-exploration. They bring me back to a point where I start to feel things. I'm still not far away from the boundary, but at least I feel safe, and I feel some hope. Knowing that I didn't waste myself into a black hole, knowing that something could be enjoyed during the ride.
I still couldn't answer the question I posted to myself what is the meaning of all those efforts? What is the purpose of work? What is the meaning of working hard? I don't think I will have an answer, and probably I would never get THE answer.
But the book it's like a gust that blows away the fog in front of my eyes. It lights up the soil that I am standing on.
It's not a teenage anime or fantasy book that tends to give false expectations. Everything that happened in the book is an artistic reality. Yet I feel related and understood with this simple approach of telling a story, a group of people running for a national competition. It posts the question, “Do I enjoy running?” “What does it mean to run?” at the beginning of the book and leaves the answer empty. It's such an impossible question to find an answer to. But that doesn’t matter. The questions will remain after the book is finished and left with curiosity, pursuit, expectation, hope, and endless possibility. But no doubts.
And that is the reason for me to recommend it to you.